Re-diagnosed

August 23rd we saw a new naturopath in Mesa, Dr Jeffrey Potts. We did extensive applied kinesiology testing to determine any food allergies that might be acting as irritants in Cadences system. The list that came back was daunting. How do I tell my baby who already is not really supposed to eat cake ice cream cookies etc that her turkey and cheese sandwiches on WHOLE WHEAT bread are out. Oh and grapes too sweetie.

I left the office in a mixed up fog. Excited at the possibilties to help my daughters body heal itself, possibly needing less insulin or no insulin in the future. Just helping the blood sugar swings would be a god send. But facing the reality of the work ahead was daunting. Not to mention the social implications.

Our society eats like shit! Really most people can't read food labels and even if they can the label doesn't really give us a whole picture. We want easy and quick. Guess what that's not food. But we think it is, and we are poisoning our children with these pseudofoods and making them close minded and addicted.

The range of emotions was broad. But my saving grace came midway through day one of cutting out the culprits. Cadences blood sugar never tested above 130. Just having consistent numbers between 80 and 130 for one day made me feel like this was the right thing.

One day of peace for my daughters body, just one day is so worth it.

Today it was more of the same only I had to pump her full of food all day to keep her from facing hypoglycemia. I basically had to test her every hour. Poor little fingers and poor little belly stuffed full of apples and juice and peaches but honestly these numbers are like a miracle.

In response to today I am doubling her carb ratio (morning from 10 to 20 and lunch/dinner from 15 to 30). Doubling may seem drastic but I will post her food intake for today to show the amount of carbs she ate just to cover one unit of insulin.

I am going to bed grateful tonight and hopeful and diligent. I am eating exactly what Cadence eats at her meals practicing solidarity. I want nothing more than a cure for my sweet sweet girl and as much as I want that I painfully admit that I don't think anyone is really trying to cure this disease medically. There is just too much money to be made by not curing it. Walk into any pharmacy and look behind the counter and you are sure to see a wall of diabetes supplies. So we embark on our own journey in healing and delight in every small miracle.

Pop Quiz

So I walk into the house with my 35 pound two and a half year old on my hip and bags of groceries in both hands.  I walk past Jud, into the kitchen, who is typing away on his blackberry and doesn't even look up.  I bend over to set Root down and not one but two dogs decide that this would be a perfect time to see just how delicious my rear is smelling today.  Must have been decent as neither of  them made and moves to remove their noses very readily.  I plop Root down, and kick my leg at the hounds louding saying "quit sniffing my Butt!!"

And Jud says:

A) Can I help you with anything?

B) Let me put those dogs outside for you.

C) Are there more groceries in the car that I can get?

or

D) "Can I sniff you butt," then looks at me in utter disbelief when I find not one single flipping ounce of humor in it and look at him like he is a total jackass!

Seriously, somedays the little things are just too much.  How is it even possible that men and women decide to couple off, one of God's many, many miracles.  It really is.

Oh wait I forgot the little part of the story about being 6 weeks pregnant too, that helps!  More to come on that topic.

Xoxo

Stevi

Bedbird

Oh, sweet Rooter.  For as long as I can remember you have made you way into my bed, or I into yours.  I admit my sleep is not deep, or restful, or rejuventing with you at my side but still I love to have you there.  

I generally find myself clinging to the edge of the bed when the sunrises.  My body is stiff and if you are still asleep at that point I just roll over (slooooowly) and watch you sleep with your legs are in all directions, your shirt up over your belly and your arms stretched above your precious head.  Or you are curled up on your side spooning right up to momma.  Your dad calls you a bedbird, and you are.  

For the last few months you have been wandering right in on your own.  I find you at my bedside in the middle of the night waiting to be hoisted in the big bed.  Last week while daddy was gone to Miami for work I just let you start your nights out in there.  It's really too big for just one.  The first night I found you like this.  It took me a bit to figure out where I should go, your basically taking up the whole bed.  The pillow your head is on is to keep you from falling out.  The foot rest is you head pillow.  It's really amazing with all that movement that you sleep at all.

Ps - your buddy Mr. D looks like he could use some rest, he gets taken along for the ride every night too.  Lucky but tired boy!

xoxo mom

25 Random Things About Me

1. I am nervous about sharing my time with Cadence and a new little one.
2. I would love to be able to jam out on a guitar, preferably a black or pink electric strat.
3. I wish I would have pursued volleyball more aggresively and miss playing it.
4. I travelled Europe for almost 2 months on my own the Fall after graduating High School.
5. I am completely fullfilled being Cadence's mom.
6. I am old skool in the way I raise her.
7. I have been in love with my husband since I was 17.
8. I asked him to my senior prom.
9. I have a soft spot for anything Italian.
10. Candlelight is my favorite light.
11. I love giving or receiving a handwritten letter.
12. I wish I could have met my maternal grandmother.
13. I used to have dreams with her in them.
14. I think red lipstick is fantastic and used to wear it often.
15. Maybe I was meant to live in the 1940's but I'm content to be living now.
16. I fancy red velvet cupcakes.
17. I wish I could pop and lock and glide and do the moon walk, that would be sweet.
18. I love seeking out cool antique pieces but dislike the smell of antique stores.
19. I love the smell of books.
20. My mom asked my dad to their senior prom too.
21. The sound and feel of warm sand and sea makes me feel alive.
22. I love to listen to music absurdly loud and rock out.
23. I think my voice is awesome when I rock out, eventhough I know its not.
24. I'm a romantic but not a hopeless one.
25. Since Cadence was born I pray every night and I can't wait to thank her for that someday.

The Agave Project

Happiness is......

Isn't he nice to look at!

Getting your hands dirty

Picking the right one

Having an exceptional helper

Not bad to look at either

I think we're headed back to Home Depot again today.  Its a good weekend for planting and smiling!

xoxo -Stevi

Meant to be

I cried in the Walmart garden section yesterday. My daughter was gleefully playing with the fountains and I started thinking that perhaps a fountain would be a nice addition to our backyard instead of a yellow lady banks rose mixed among the white ones that already reside on our south wall. Just a thought, but the background that goes along with the thought explains the tears.

We had a miscarriage on the last day of January. We had been trying for 3 months before we saw those double pink lines and were so excited to add to our family. My husband was especially ecstatic since he's been gunning for another little one since our first was born, he's nuts, he really is.

We decided we wanted to plant something to remember our little one by, but we have not got around to doing it. We say we haven't had the time, or the money, or its raining, etc but really I think its just the idea of having to remember that we lost someone we loved very much. And I'm crying again now.

Miscarriage is such an odd thing. The saturday it happened was surreal (I hate when people say that, but it was). It was like being under a heavy fog all day. Then you have to tell people, mostly family who were equally excited and now just don't know what to say.

Days go on and you think about it a little less, especially once the bleeding stops but its still a loss and its still there. I pray for the baby every night. The funny thing to me is that people say, it just wasn't meant to be. Obviously it wasn't otherwise I'd be through my first trimester by now but in my heart is still feels like it was meant to be. That Rooter was supposed to be a big sister in October. Its just weird and its just sad.

What else is weird to me are thoughts like this. My husband and I think at this point that we want two kids. So potentially if this wouldn't have happened we would be "done," but now we will try try again and when the next bebe blesses our family its crazy to think that had this not happened then the new little one never would have been. So I pray for out baby in heaven, and I pray for our health and fertility and for the arrival our third child as well.

Lastly, I was surprised to find out how many women I know have had miscarriages. If you know someone who has, give them a big hug they deserve it.

xoxo -Stevi

Projects

Daddy is down in Mexico visiting his family. I am happy for him. He needs to see his mom and know she is doing good (she just had stem cell work done to hopefully help with her ms). I am praying for her. I'd love to see her get stronger from this.

I always have these grandiose plans when he leaves, like cleaning out and organizing the garage. Wow would he be stoked to come home to that. But really my days aren't that much different if he's here or away. I mean he is at work most of the day and I play with Rooter most of my day, so I don't know why I think that I'll have so much more time, or will for that matter to finish the ever looming garage. Its silliness really. Besides there are so many more fun projects to do with any second of free time.

For example last time he was in New York for business, Rooterbug and I put a drop cloth down in our kitchen nook and painted her little table and chairs. I bought them off of craigslist months ago and they were awful, yellow, blue, green, red, orange just not our style but their shape was classic. Finally she and I got out some paintbrushes and got busy. In no time we had a lovely cream table and hot pink (hibiscus to be exact) chairs. Now that's fun.

What I really need to do before his plane lands on Monday is get to work on my art project for the kitchen nook. It was supposed to be his Valentine's present but it went by the wayside while we were playing with pink paint. I shouldn't be writing about this because he doesn't know about it but as of now I am a closet blogger so it would take a lot for him to come across this post. I think we're safe.

Anyway, its about a 2.5' x 4' canvas which will read "pass the bacon." You read it right, "pass the bacon." The script will be all french, calligraphyish and lovely. Its randomness folks but it has a story and it goes like this. I told him I wanted a big painting of words, I bounced some ideas off him and nothing grabbed him. I said "how about pass the bacon" as a joke but of course he loved it. My reply was that it really wasn't very romantic, but he disagreed and thought it was plenty romantic. So there it is, lovely writing and weird words, we meet in the middle.